March showers bring April flowers...

What a week.. St. Louis was a bust. We were 49/51 and the only thing I can say is that I'm glad we didn't get last! I know it was a learning experience not just for my girls, but for myself. We lost everything, except one set. We played well on day 2, but 3 whole days of volleyball truly wears you out. Even as a coach it was exhausting being on your feet and constantly stressing about who will play where, how to deal with parents and how to deal with snotty girls. All in all, I'm so glad I went. I got to learn more about JoAnn, my head coach and I learned that at the age of 22, being around people 40+ or 14 and under, is and isn't, a fun experience. I can't relate to the parents, but at the same time I can. As well as my girls, but I can't be friends.

My first week back at school was pretty hard. Knowing that I wouldn't be seeing Aaron was really getting to me. Being away from him on SB was fairly easy and I definitely didn't think of him much bc my mind was on volleyball. When I got back Sunday, I was able to run over to his place to get the remains of my belongings.. it was so hard. So so so so hard. We embraced for a good 3-4 minutes, me sobbing the whole time. I missed him. I still miss him.

The week went by and I thought things were looking up until something snapped. I was stressed bc of stupid lesson plans. I needed to find a way to get over him. So I wrote him a letter. Thank God I have the bestest friends, one that is a very good writer. I wrote out my letter and Jared called. I cried for a good 3 hours Sunday afternoon. I just felt worthless reliving all of my happiness, our happiness and then it was shattered by whatever he did. I didn't accuse him of anything, but he said that it wasn't me who did anything. So what did HE do for me to deserve this? I told him that "all I can do is pick up the pieces and better myself. You've taught me to never let my guard down for someone who cannot reciprocate my feelings. You screwed up and I hope you never treat another girl like you treated me. I realize that I do deserve better than someone who cannot man up to the responsibilities inherently necessary within and in ending a relationship." (Jared helped me with the big words."

I mean I felt empowered, but I didn't know if he would or how he would respond. Well I drove over to give it to him and we talked like everything was normal. Like we were just friends catching up on each other's lives. After I left (and long hugged) I text him that talking to him went better than I thought and that maybe friendship will come sooner than we thought. And he only replied that he hoped so. It's been 2 days and I haven't heard from him. I'm glad I haven't heard from him bc he is respecting what I asked. But there has been so much that I've wanted to share with him...

School has been so stressful and I cannot focus. Work is horrible and I don't want to ever go. My homework is never finished and I seem to be very lazy. Senioritis? Maybe. I just want to get done with AND PASS this semester and get onto summer.

Career fair tomorrow. EEKS. I'm nervous. Child Study pt. 2 due Thurs and the phonics test before class. I may or may not be sleeping until Friday, when I have no work. AWESOME.

Peace ouch.

On my way to St. Louie

Ahh this trip is going to (hopefully) help clear my mind. A national volleyball tournament = heaven. I'm just excited to getout of Nebraska, it is just the trip I need!
I'm not looking forward to getting back into the grind of things on Monday considering I have 3 papers and 6 lesson plans due Tuesday and Thursday. Balls. Oh well. I will hopefully have some outlines of the lesson plans done over the weekend.
A 9 hour car ride is not what the doctor ordered, but I'll take it.
Anything but sitting in Lincoln, Nebraska by myself for 4 days.
St. Pat's was successful. I was happy. I didn't think I could acheive happiness so quickly. I suppose the 2 Guiness I drank along with the 3 green Bud Lights and a Irish Car Bomb helped a little.
Home was refreshing. Got to visit some classrooms and reality really struck when my old teachers were talking about visiting MY classroom in a year. YIKES. MY classroom? Shit, I really will be teaching in a year or two...

Au Revoir.

even more irony.

Al called me Friday. Of all people. 6 times to be exact.
I kinda flipped because he is in basic. He can't call people or write people.
So why in the hell is he calling me?

He called me today. I haven't let my phone since Friday. (it doesn't help me not want to text Aaron either.) I just didn't want to miss his next call and I had no idea when it would be. He's doing great. He sounds great. I asked him to keep calling me. He wants to keep calling me. I'm going to write him, he said it's something he looks forward to everyday (in general).

This has been the best highlight of my spring break.

___________________________________________________

It's over. "I'm not going to call you an asshole or a douche bag... but I hope you feel like shit. because I feel like shit. I had so many things to show you about my life and you are going to miss out on each and every one of them.... this wasn't supposed to end."

I felt strong when I left, but it's tearing me apart. I just don't know how to do this, get over someone.
I've realized very fast who my true friends are.

It doesn't help that that stupid Lady Antebellum song came on right when I left.
I need you now.

oh the irony.

it's so ironic when you go to tell someone you love them (for the first time) and then they pull the "we need to talk" card.
they proceed to break up with you after you've spent 5 of the most happiest months together.
they tell you that you deserve better and that you're complete opposites.
well we are opposites for a reason.

it's so ironic that when you need you best friends the most they are in ireland, DC and panama city.
one is halfway around the world and three are on the east coast. FML.

it's like im living in a movie. am i in some reality show? are people watching me like the truman show?
well if i am. you fuckers got me good. i now to have to live with my decision to stay in lincoln next fall. or go to the same weddings as him. and share the same friend circle. or lose those friends. who knows.

i need my mom. megan. jared. dave. and eric.

the worst spring break ever.
good thing it's my last.