need you now.

Oh these last 2 weeks have been grueling.

• I'm ready for volleyball to over. The girls have given up.
• I'm ready for school to be over, only to have it start right up again
• I'm scared I won't pass lit block.
• I'm ready to be done with Starbucks
• I'm ready to student teach
• I'm ready to coach high school volleyball

ugh. it's just crazy. I have been on the go for the last 2 weeks and I will keep going until next Friday. Shawna and Dom will be in town this Sunday through next Saturday. I am VERY VERY excited to hold my lil Domosaurus Rex.

I've been having a lot of bad nights lately. Just memories.. it's really annoying but I can't help think about him. Like I was at the boys' last night and it's kinda hard not to drive by his apt because I park in front of it to get to anyone's apt. I just miss him. I miss the thought of him. a hug, a kiss, just waking up to him. a text saying goodnight, but also waking up to a good morning. I'm getting depressed as I read this.

My friend Ben is really great. He is helping me get through this. I know it's petty, but this break-up is the hardest thing I've had to go through personally for a very long time. The fact that he just cut things off.. like.. out of nowhere. It makes me wonder if he had been thinking about it for a very VERY long while. Talking with Ben has helped, he is encouraging and reassuring me that I will get through this. I'm just scared I won't get through it. I'm afraid I'll never find someone like Aaron, ever. He was perfect to me. I hate talking about him, but it's how I feel. I have this small hope that come Fall, he will want to be with me again... dumb, I know.


Well, back to teaching. Got a BIG geometry test today. I'm scared of that too.
Overall feeling of this week: scared

peace ouch.

remember that one time?

I was sitting here at the dining room table with my roommate Sarah (whom I've known my whole college career) and was like "When we are 40, we are going to be like 'remember that one time we stayed up all night to do homework, but instead listened to really good music?'" We both laughed and realized it would be true.

I've seriously been slacking lately and have had to make up for slacking by staying up all night tonight to work on a paper that was technically due last Thursday, but really isn't due until 12:30pm today. I have to leave for work in about 30 minutes. I am on my 2nd wind.

Let's recap my day though...
set alarm for 315 to work on paper.
hit snooze approx. 5-6 times, then finally shut it off.
slept until 815 realizing im screwed and need to take a shower before the job fair.
head to the job fair, where my palms sweat and i get a fuzzy timbly feeling in my stomach. gross.
talked to a few schools and have decided to apply out of state when the time comes.
walk back to my car, get home and decide to nap for 15 minutes.
15 minutes really means 2.5 hours.
again realize im screwed.
go to math to present my problem and actually learn something.
go home to pick up smackers.
go to volleyball and then procede to laugh at sarah telling her crazy train lady parent story.
go back home approx 845pm
go tanning/sbuxing/homeworking til sarah gets back from nva
go to hyvee to pick up stuff for corn dip.
homework sesh starts at midnight.
work hard until 230 to break and make corn dip.
eat a few bites of corn dip.
get back to the grind until i realize its 4am.
shit. and now sarah has gone to bed at 415 and i have to work in 15 minutes now...

one rockstar, one pkg of beef jerky later, i am STILL running. ask me in 5 hours and i'll probably be dead.
idk how i could live without caffeine. seriously though. i tried for 2 days and it was awful. id idnt get any head aches, i just couldnt function.

now im just rambling.. i had some lyrics to post.. oh yeah BULLETPROOF by LA ROUX = <3

Been there, done that, messed around
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,
I won’t let you in again, the messages I’ve tried to send,
my informations’ just not going in,
burnin’ bridges shore to shore, I’ll break away from something more,
I’m not to not to love until it’s cheap,
been there, done that, messed around,
I’m having fun don’t put me down,
I’ll never let you sweep me off my feet,

Chorus:
This time baby,
I’ll be,
Bulletproof

I won’t let you turn around,
and tell me now I’m much too proud,
to walk away from something when it’s dead,
do do do your dirty words come out to play when you are heard,
there’s certain things that should be left unsaid,
tick tick tick tick on the watch and life’s too short for me to stop,
Oh baby, your time is running out,
I won’t let you turn around,
and tell me now I’m much too proud,
All you do is fill me up with doubt,